you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
