Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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