My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
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