$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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