my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
