wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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