She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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