I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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