Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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