For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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