he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This toilet bowl is my home.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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