I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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