we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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