you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you will always have a special place in my vag
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
