Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
