What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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