Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
