also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize