Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
