I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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