I hate your face
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
