Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
