Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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