Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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