"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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