last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
