Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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