I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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