I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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