where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize