You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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