Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
