This dress was meant to end up on your floor
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
