I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
