u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
