its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
