I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
