Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
