I'm so fucking centered right now
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
