if you like me you must not know who I am
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
