i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
