I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
