I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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