She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize