oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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