grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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