wanna go halves on a baby?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
