I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
