Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
