wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
