Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
