The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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