hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
