i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
