He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize