Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
