ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
