She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
