i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
