No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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