You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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