I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
