So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize