That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
