Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
