One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize