my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
