You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
