I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
